Username When I first saw your name, my instant thought was “nice, but I bet it’s one of those fucking “I’m such an empowered female, I can use the word cunt freely and it gives me strength in my womanliness”. Well my second thought was “if this is one of those diaries, I am personally gonna learn how to program viruses and destroy your computer in hopes that it will stop you from spreading your useless teenage dribble to the world.”

First Impression Everyone loves stick figures… EVERYONE! I thought the title was kinda lame, because if you think about it Hitler was a lot of things. A virgin, a momma’s boy, a Lutheran, not even German. Tacking on that he had one nut is kind of insult to injury, what’d Hitler ever do to you? Also if the French there has anything to do with you being Canadian I will turn this review right around and fail you. Regular Canadian is one thing. French Canadians can burn in everlasting hell.

Errors Everything works fine… all systems go… yeah you get full credit, now get onto the next section.10/10

Layout Alright kid, let’s get down to business. Your layout, it ain’t too bad. What qualms do I have with your layout?
1) I don’t speak French
2)aside from yon stickfigurey guy, there’s nothing going on in it. Not like you have to bombast me with like 80 gillion things, but it’s kinda sparse. 17/20

Content Mother fuck I hate technology! Okay, I had your review all typed up, but thanks to diaryland not being friendly to non-gold member types, like this review site, I had to wait to post it. I was going to go peruse the wonder that is penny-arcade comics, and decided to save your finished version in word. Well… instead of pasting it, I copied the unfinished version, thus losing this big ole session of me sucking your dick over how great your diary is, complete with links and everything. Now I don’t really feel like going back and trying to find all your entries I loved again, so if I don’t link to anything, well… sucks to be anyone reading who wants to know what I’m talking about. Damnit, I’m not even in a good now like I was a few moments ago. How am I supposed to jerk off your ego if I’m not in the ego jerking off move? Thanks a lot diaryland, you suck!

Okay, I just took a break and I’m ready to fire back. Where to start, where to start? Well, first of all, It took me so long to do your review thanks to me actually reading all of your entries, so for one that’s gotta let you know you made a lasting impression on me. Well that and there’s not really too many entries to read, but everything was worthwhile. I did start out at your index page and go backwards a little bit, so the first things I read were you at work, and the way you write doubled with your awesome sense of humor made me think that there was no way in hell you were still in high school.

You tricked me good you little shit.

I love the fact that you’re not an angsty annoying teen, but you’re a full blown pissed off adolescent. Being angry is always way cooler than being angsty, I mean look at the comparison here. The Refused and the Exploited, compared to Nirvana and Korn, yeah see what I mean? Being pissed off > being an angsty whiney bitch.

Here’s a list of things I love the most about your diary.

1) You make me crack up
2) Your insults and curses are about as colorful and genius as my own
3) You talk about your boobs a lot, and I love boobs.

One point I really connected on was the whole bunny situation. For one, your sister seems like a total douche, and 2 it sucks that you’re so allergic to bunnies but love them. I’m the same way with cats. I love the lazy moody little shits, but the discomfort I experience being around them isn’t worth it to me. However when you say that you bitch slapped the poor thing? That’s fucking hardcore! I mean I’ve flipped off a box full of kittens and I punched a baby in anger once, but if there’s a hell, I think that’s gonna send you there.

You work in a movie theater… I bet that sucks. All jobs like that suck, it’s a shameful fact of life, but I think it’s kinda hilarious that you unintentionally insulted that old guy.

I think my ONLY gripe with your diary is that you barely fucking update! You started your diary back in April, and you haven’t even broke 40 entries yet… what’s up with that kid? I know Edward’s a hunk of shit, but knock your sister out with a tire iron, play some GTA, and jump to making an entry. With or without vodka influence, I care not, just fucking do it! I have no reason to go and read you now because I’ve whipped through your archives already, and god only knows the next time you’ll write something. Toss me a friggin bone lady.

I think I like you so much because you remind me much of a female version of myself. Droned (drunk/ stoned), pissed, and sarcastic. Tossing in copious amounts of Grand Theft Auto, and a winner is you! God Journey sucks, haven’t people realized Steve Perry should be knifed in the throat by now? Sometimes classic rock radio just sucks balls.

Okay, I think that’s all she wrote, sorry for the streamlined crappy review with about 40% less asskissing, but I already wrote your review, you’ll have to psy-link with me to get it back. Mind you, I’m only marking you down here because you’re so lacking in the updates, otherwise you’d have a full 65 here. Shame on you woman.

60/65

Would I come Back Does the Pope shit in the woods? 5/5

Bonus You rolled a natural 20 in kicking ass beyond the call of duty.+5/5

Total92/100

Final Thought Give me a call when you hit 18, I think you deserve someone to go down on you for a few hours for rocking so hard.

Reviewed By : Tofu