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damefortune Jul. 01, 2004 -- 7:45 p.m. |
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| damefortune Username - It's basically the Dante's Inferno name for Lady Luck. I like that you've read Dante's Inferno. I like that it's Lady Luck. I like that you explain it. It piques my interest and I'd probably hit that shit if I saw it in a list. [no points awarded due to the ULTRA COOL BRAND NEW SCORING SYSTEM] First Impression - Proper punctuation/grammar, you're a member of eloquent and I think I have been here before. You're good to go. [no points awarded] Errors - A few typos here and there, nothing to worry about. 9/10 Layout - It's green, and blue. I don't really like green and blue together, but there's yellow in there and that pulls it all together. And ah, yes, your layout also features a picture of... a shoe. Yes, you heard me ladies and gentlemen, a shoe. It's odd. It's unexpected. IT'S A MOTHERFUCKING SHOE. Marry me. 18/20 Content - First entry I read was here. It's at a comfortable length, but I must admit, the content didn't have me on the edge of my seat. You mention that you're signing up for college classes, and that these are very important choices you'll be making, but you don't go into any detail about how this makes you feel. What's it like to be standing on the brink of adulthood, determining the rest of your future?How do you feel knowing that your parents disapprove of this stuff? Tell us these things! DON'T CHANGE YOURSELF FOR A FUCKING BOY! Augh! Do you want him to like you for you, or for a lie? Yeah that's what I though. Tell us why life sucks! Don't just say you're too exhausted to write and leave it at that. NO. It's YOUR job to write, and it's MY job to be apathetic and temperamental. Self loathing over a shortcake. Nice. " I wish a was a hoodlum. The first thing I want to do when Jon gets back is go desecrate an American flag with him or steal something. I’m itching to do something like that." Or, if you want to get REALLY crazy, you could always just go pick some California poppies or something. That shit's illegal too. Again, go into detail about why you want to be a hoodlum so bad. Is it because of a general contempt for the government? If so, that's awesome, but I want to know exactly how the government has wronged you. I liked this entry. It gave me some insight as to who you are. And I liked this one a LOT, but then you ended it talking about a boy and I went back to stabbing myself in the face for amusement. I like how you write about lots of your dreams, but they are a little hard to follow sometimes. This is most likely due to the fact that they are dreams, and by nature, tend not to make much sense unless you were there. I just figured I would bring this to your attention. Hahaha! As a Californian, I can relate. Whoah, you've read Podkayne of Mars. You are officially the only other person in the world that I know who has read that book. I feel the exact same way on an almost daily basis now. That's probably my favorite entry so far. Write more like that! We want emotion, and anger, and heartbreak and all that nice teenaged crap. Mmmm, angst. Eh. Maybe I shouldn't be complaining so much. I mean, if you were whining about everything that happened, I'd be yelling at you for that too. Maybe it is time that I understood that no one will ever meet my standards... ... No. That can't be it. You just need to expand more. Bwahaha! I will give you this much though. You ARE a good writer. You DO have it in you. You're good at expressing your emotions. And that is why I am being such a whore. You can hate me now, but someday, you'll thank me for this. It's for your own good. 54/65 Would I Come Back? - Maybe if my review had been mean enough to make you cry or something. This is going to sound terribly sadistic, but I like your diary when you're in pain. 2/5 Bonus - ALL HAIL THE POWER OF THE SHOE. +1/5 Total - 84/100. I'm getting too nice with this reviewing shit... anyways, you're a nice lady, don't let jaded assholes like me get you down. And for christ's sake, EXPLAIN THINGS TO US! Seventy years from now when you're all old and wrinkly and disgusting, you'll be glad that you did. Reviewed by Amanda Audrey's [wink wink, nudge nudge] comments: Thanks very much for the review! ♥ | ||
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