Hey, check me out... it's my first review on this site... so uh, hello. I'm Tofu, I'll be your reviewer this afternoon, and currently I'm feeling like a cross between school girl giddy, and really fucking high on drugs. Sadly, I’m neither a schoolgirl, or on drugs. (insert tears)

Username For one thing, I have a serious love/ hate relationship with diary-x diaries. For one... I think it's retarded that you have to be sooooo special and put that you're from diary-x after your username. Like look at me, I'm from diary-x, love me, send me roses and kisses, and pamper me with expensive gifts so I can wipe my ass with silk and 100 dollar bills. On the other hand diary-x is about as cool of a title as you can muster for a diary site. I mean just look at it, you've got the diary, and the hyphen (hyphens always get style points in my book.) and the X. Yeah, I feel cool just putting that, it's like "I'm brand X", or "X-Men 2 is one of the greatest movies ever." Besides the diary-x business, your username... uuuuuh, masha. Masha what? Masha potato (e for you Dan Quayleites in the audience), masha you face, you're a button masha when you play Tekken? Those are all kinda cool, but I don't get the feeling you're aiming for that, and now that I'm hungry thinking about mashed potatoes, I'm getting kinda agitated. I also wanna play Tekken.

First Impression Ninjas!!! It makes me wanna flip out and kill everything! Also you've got a clever title, a line I've used on people before. So for copying my vernacular I award you a gold star, and first pick for toys at recess... It's also making me wanna play Tekken some more, my Law is unstoppable, you should see me bust off with my 10 hit juggle combo of DOOM. Aside from the little box of ninjaness and text (which is nice and pocket-sized which I like), there's a lot o' blackness, which kinda gives it sleekness. However (and there's always a however) you seem a bit pretentious what with the whole titling your entries by the number they are... and spelling it out. Good great Buddha I fucking hate people spelling out numbers, it makes me think of writing checks, and I hate writing checks.

Errors Well kid, I couldn't find any errors in the sense of you mispselng stuff (that was intentional FYI), or using improper uses of the English language (which is rather good considering you don't come from an English speaking background, thus making me feel a little envious since I have a loose grasp on the complexities of my native tongue.) Also, all your links work properly, lucky you. Only thing that pissed me off was the AIM link... for one, I hate people that put those damn things up, really why. Another, it reminded me that I haven't signed onto AIM in like a month and have been enjoying life ever since. I decided to have a little fun with it though and message you, but you don't seem to be responding, proving another reason why these things are useless. -1 point for you. 9/10

Layout As I stated before, NINJA's, small, and blackness. One major point that urks the piss outta me... if you're going to display pictures, use a bigger fucking text box PLEASE! This goes for everyone, either make your pictures really small, or make your text box bigger. Or better yet, DON'T HAVE PICTURES! I hate having to scroll over to see more of your face thus forgetting what the rest of your face looks like. One thing I do like about your layout though is it's very organized, and the links all make sense. A winner is you. One thing I despise about your layout, you’re getting to know you page, mostly because it feels more like getting know your ego. I'm all for jerking yourself off and such, but really, it was one of the first things I read and it made you seem just as pretentious as your one hundred and sixty-nine title biz-nass. However at the end you saved yourself by admitting it made you seem like a pompous windbag. One other big detriment for you, that I will never be forgiving on... your diary's designed by someone else. It's my personal belief that if you're gonna futz with the design, learn the HTML yourself, so no soup for you there kid. 14/20

Content Okay, I can't complain about short quick bursts of thought for a diary entry. I have an entire diary dedicated to those for Pete’s sake. BUT (big but) you could really stand to make it interesting. This was only the 3 most current entries I read, but jinkies, can you get more generic and vague? . Next entry has some more meat to it... meat of a frickin day log! *groan*, and you still say "OH SNAP!"? People say I'm still stuck in the 90's.

Yeah, stereotype alright. I really hope this is just an amalgam of whathaveyous from people around you as opposed to being you all rolled into one. If it is all just you though, all I have to tell you is, life is not as bad as it seems. It sounds stereotypical to say that, but as someone who comes from experience, it really isn't. You don't even have bills yet, nor have to worry about jury duty. You want depression, there's depression.

You talk very much like a teenage girl, which isn't good, but you do it without the "lyk's" "omgwtf's" and the "lol's" which is good, but it's still making me wanna beat my face into the wall reading you talking about yet another adventure in Town Center. Is there anything else to do where you live? If you guys are rich, shouldn't you be buying drugs? I know I would have in high school... well more so. Oh, and don't drink Starbucks, or I'll personally hunt you down and twist your legs backwards and kick you in the ovaries repeatedly. Starbucks = teh Devil (side note, that "teh" is intentional.).

And everyone's made this argument before. Art is dead, get over it.

Jeepers H guppy fish! It seems you have a pattern of writing something teenager deep (as in, a thought that everyone's had before and said in the exact same manner that everyone's said before, but it seems so deep to people under 19), with a fucking day log about the Town Center. I don't know which one's worse. Personally I’d rather be chewed apart by rabid babies than sit through another! If you're gonna do this shit, can you make it more you know... full of oomph, or spice it up. I don't consider "So this guy goes and runs off while this chick gets drinks from Starbucks, and we talk to this bum and he's all like 'Whoa check this out'." spicing up your entry. I consider it best saved for a paper diary where you're not wasting server space. Another thing, why don't you talk about ninjas? Ninja's are always cool conversation pieces. Check this I'm gonna write you a new entry, and you can copy and paste this into your diary and say it's yours. People will think you're a million times cooler for it.

*ahem*
So I was sitting at home today and I got a call from Laura, she sounded totally wigged out, and said I had to meet her at the Town Center in 15 minutes, and alone. Before I told her I couldn't possibly make it in 15 minutes the phone line went dead. I was like totally scared for her, so I ran out of my big house in a hurry rushing to the Town Center at like mach 5 (tee hee, like Speed Racer's car, go Speed Racer gooooo.). Suddenly I thought I noticed something in the trees, but when I looked it was gone. I turned around to like totally see this ninja behind me. (Like totally rad, it was a real live ninja, but not a very good one since I saw him and stuff.) Then he got chopped in half by some other ninja who was like TOTALLY flipping out with his nun chucks that were made out of 2 ninja swords. I guess that would make them sword chucks huh? Then like 4000 other ninja's jumped out of the trees and started fighting like in a James Bond movie, and they where like flipping out and killing everything. So then I went to the town center and saw Laura, apparently her big crush at school doesn't like her and told her she smelled like beef stew. So we cried together and got a Jamba Juice. I think the best way to comfort a friend is with a razzmatazz.

See, much cooler entry, and you get a real fruit smoothie out of the deal.

Now I know you guys are out for the summer, and really there's never shit to do regardless of where you live, but spend your summer more reflecting on yourself and trying to better your life, as well as your writing. You'll benefit more from it when you get older instead of having to spend a whole shit load of years back packing through Europe and being a Hinduist trying to find yourself like the Beetles did. Speaking of Europe, just like the band's song, here's the final count down, I'm bored with your diary now. Go eat some shrooms with your friends out in the forest or something; it might make you more interesting. 13/65

Would I come Back Not unless you started writing about ninja's. Hey I'm not hungry anymore. 1/5

Bonus I think I have to give you negative points, because all the show boating you did in your bio about what a fucking genius you are, you seem like every other dumb teen I've ever come across... well at least I'm pretty sure you don't cut. -1/5

Total36/100

Final Thought I'm still a little booty hurt that you didn't respond to my instant message, and the double whammy of you not having anything remotely interesting enough to say to keep me occupied for over 10 entries... shame on you.

Well, there's my first review for diary-nazi. Hope I brought the same kind of high quality entertainment that you're used to around here.